I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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