Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
