i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
