I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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