You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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