brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
