don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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