He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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