Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
