Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize