theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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