That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize