I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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