Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
