Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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