i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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