Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
