dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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