i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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