I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
