I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i've created a new STD.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
