how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
