there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
