I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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