Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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