Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
