I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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