It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
