I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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