3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
