his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
