You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
