Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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