What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
