I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
