can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize