I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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