You really coming over, don't trick.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
