She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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