Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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