i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
