dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
