help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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