In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
