also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
