I'm lost and stupid without you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
