Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
