im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
