Got a toothbrush?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
