The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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