You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
bring money and cleavage
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
