I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
