I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
