I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
