He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
