He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize