Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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