the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
