I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
