whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We got so high we made milksteak
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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