at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
