I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
