I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
