i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
