just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
