Betty ford says i'm here all night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize