Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
