Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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