did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
