I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
