i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
