Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
