i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
