Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
