I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize