There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
