Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
