to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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