Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
