Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
