4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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