I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
