You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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