i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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