I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
