I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
