well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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