I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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