I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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