i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
