The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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