Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
