You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
