I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
