I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
