See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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