I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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