and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
