think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
