Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
