I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
