Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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