PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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