So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Damn victory sex feels great
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
