This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize